🛠 BIG EARL'S SERVICES
Big Earl does ONE thing, and he does it BETTER THAN ANYONE ON THE PLANET. That thing is troughs. Don't ask Earl to fix your sink. Don't ask Earl to unclog your toilet. Earl doesn't do that anymore. Earl is a specialist.
🏜 COMMERCIAL INSTALLATION
Bars, restaurants, stadiums, bowling alleys, auto dealerships, churches (yes, churches -- don't ask, but First Baptist of Kettering has the nicest trough in the tri-state area).
Starting at $799 installed. Earl shows up in person for every job. He will also give you a firm handshake and unsolicited life advice at no extra charge.
🏠 RESIDENTIAL INSTALLATION
Yes, you can put a trough in your house. No, your spouse probably won't love it. But Earl provides a complimentary pamphlet: "Honey, I Can Explain: A Guide to Residential Troughs."
Popular locations: man caves, garages, basements, master bathrooms (for the bold), and "that weird room that used to be a closet."
Starting at $499 installed. Includes a free air freshener shaped like a trough.
🔷 TROUGH MAINTENANCE PLANS
Earl offers three tiers of maintenance:
| Plan | Price | Includes |
|---|---|---|
| The Basic | $29/mo | Annual inspection, trough cake replacement, a phone call from Earl on your birthday |
| The Deluxe | $59/mo | Everything in Basic + quarterly deep clean, priority scheduling, Earl's cell phone number |
| The Big Earl | $99/mo | Everything in Deluxe + 24/7 emergency trough support, annual BBQ at Earl's house, a personalized "Trough Owner" certificate suitable for framing |
🎤 TROUGH CONSULTING
Not sure what trough is right for you? Earl offers in-person consulting sessions. He'll come to your location, assess your needs, measure your space, and spend approximately 45 minutes talking about troughs you didn't ask about.
$75/hour. First 30 minutes free if you mention this website. Last 30 minutes free because Earl loses track of time and forgets to start the clock.
🎓 SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS
Big Earl is available for:
- Trade shows (has own PowerPoint, 147 slides)
- School career days (kids love him, teachers are confused)
- Corporate events ("Synergy Through Troughs: A Team Building Metaphor")
- Weddings (uninvited but enthusiastic)
Contact Earl for rates. He's very flexible. Some would say too flexible.
📢 SERVICE AREA
Big Earl primarily serves the Dayton, Ohio metropolitan area, but has been known to drive "as far as it takes" for the right trough job. Earl's longest road trip was to Tulsa, Oklahoma (14 hours each way) for a single 6-foot installation. "Worth every mile," Earl says. "The client threw in a free steak dinner. Medium rare. Just like my troughs: perfect."
Earl's truck (a '98 Ford F-250 named "Big Bertha") has 347,000 miles on it. The check engine light has been on since 2001. Earl considers this "character."